The ID-10-T incident class represents the predominant cause of service desk ticket generation in enterprise computing environments, estimated at 73–91% of all submitted incidents (variance dependent on vertical and caffeination levels of the subject population). Unlike hardware or software failures, ID-10-T incidents originate entirely from organic sources located between the keyboard and the chair. They are not bugs. They are not features. They are, per Section 4(b) of the Field Manual, the user.
This document provides a working classification matrix for service desk personnel, enabling rapid incident categorization, appropriate escalation, and maintenance of at all times. Personnel are reminded that is strictly prohibited under Section 9, regardless of provocation.
| CAT. | DESIGNATION | FIELD IDENTIFIER | RESOLUTION PROTOCOL |
|---|---|---|---|
| I | Password Amnesia Disorder | "I forgot my password. Again." | Reset. Do not sigh audibly. |
| II | Update Avoidance Syndrome | "I always click Remind Me Later." | Force update. Accept blame. |
| III | Retrograde Functionality Claim | "It was working yesterday." | Nod. Investigate nothing. |
| IV | Diffusion of Responsibility | "It's not MY computer though." | It is their computer. |
| V | The Escalation Gambit | "Can you just fix it?" | Yes. That is why you called. |
| VI | Proximity Resolution Effect | "It started working when you walked in." | Log hours. Say nothing. |
Service desk technicians are advised that ID-10-T incidents carry no moral weight. The subject is not malfunctioning — they are operating exactly within design parameters. The parameters are simply . Technicians who find themselves explaining what a browser is for the th time are encouraged to consult the Department's Wellness Resources at .
The naturalist who ventures into the modern office environment in pursuit of Idiota keyboardicus will find the specimen far more abundant than anticipated. Armed with nothing but a keyboard, an unshakeable confidence in their own diagnosis of the problem, and a predisposition toward clicking on email attachments of uncertain provenance, the ID-10-T specimen has proven itself one of the most adaptive organic systems in the known computing ecosystem.
This compendium represents twenty years of field observation across commercial, governmental, and educational environments. The authors wish it noted that no service desk technician was materially harmed in the compilation of this volume, though several required extended leave.
| TICKET | DESCRIPTION | STATUS |
|---|---|---|
| #00042 | Password "forgot again" | RESOLVED |
| #00043 | Computer broken (monitor off) | RESOLVED |
| #00044 | Internet not working (wifi off) | RESOLVED |
| #00045 | "It was working yesterday" | PENDING |
| #00046 | "Can you just fix it?" | ESCALATED |
| #00047 | Email "disappeared" (deleted) | RESOLVED |
| #00048 | Not my computer (is their computer) | CLOSED |
| #00049 | Printer "hates me personally" | PENDING |